Its one of the most important questions you could ever ask a friend or loved one. Heres why you should know these six words.
Six words could hold the key to guiding someone out of the irrational, impulsive mental state that puts them at dangerously high risk of taking their own life.
People considering suicide generally lose their ability to rationalise, and see the act as a short sharp solution to their pain, clinical psychologist and clinical neuropsychologist Dr Roy Sugarman told news.com.au.
To help pull them away from such a state, asking one specific question could be critical, particularly if the person has expressed feeling as though nothing they do makes a difference.
Asking someone, what is important to you now? could be crucial to their survival, Dr Sugarman said.
Its saying, whatever is going to make a difference, where you feel that what you do does make a difference, Ill do it with you and Ill help you, he said.
The biggest driver is going to be this avoidance of thinking nothing I do makes a difference so I might as well avoid the pain by creating a very short sharp solution to the pain.
People in the grips of such a dire mental state have got there most likely as a result of a collapse in their values and meaningful aspects of their life, Dr Sugarman said.
So when youre asking the question, its in the here and now, and finding out who or what is critical to them at that moment in time, he said.
Mental health and suicide are not easy subjects to talk about, but news.com.au wants you to know youre Not Alone. News.com.aus Not Alone will raise awareness about these issues and provide you with the resources needed to reach out for help.
What to do after asking the question
After getting an answer, Dr Sugarman recommended staying with the person and beginning the process of helping them problem solve, step by step.
Make it manageable and give them a sense that what they do now makes a difference, he said.
Stay with them and help them plan. Help them solve problems.
If we can get people to not look at the big picture, and instead look at things that make a big difference like smaller micro goals, you start to get some movement and progress.
Dr Sugarman stressed that while posing the question may help, it was more important that a warm relationship was maintained over an extended period of time.
Its like anything else, to avoid a terrible event, youve got to maintain your relationship with a person. Its not about weaving some amazing web of speech. Your best chance of keeping someone alive is a warm relationship, he said.
The thing about suicide is that you cant use a rational speech to help a person who has got there by being irrational. The inspiring speech is not going to address the fact that at this stage, there is cognitive depletion. Theyre not going to respond to rationalisation.
Phone app to prevent suicide
Dr Sugarman is the co-founder of suicide prevention app Be A Looper developed alongside Transhuman Inc CEO Amanda Johnstone.
The app, released in 2017, allows users to rate areas of their mental health daily and share their score with four other people they trust.
Ms Johnstone worked closely with RUOK? in the development of the app, and used the same framework, called ALEC, in digitising it as an efficient and practical support tool.
The concept of Be A Looper was largely an extension of Ms Johnstones previous efforts to support her friends. For years she set alarms on their phones and requested they send her an emoji indicating their mental health every day at 4pm.
Ms Johnstone, who was named CEO magazines 2020 Start-up Executive of the Year, independently supported dozens of people for about 12 years before adapting her idea into an app.
I knew that system worked really well and that people would do it, she told news.com.au.
Were all on our phones so often with Instagram and everything, if theres one swipe each day that will make us more connected, it can save lives.
Countless users have contacted Ms Johnstone sharing instances of how an alert from the app which notifies others if someone records a low rating has saved theirs or a loved ones life.
Dr Sugarman said it was no surprise the app had been so effective in preventing suicide, given it harnessed already familiar concepts of swiping and using the 1-10 rating system.
It works because you establish as a routine the sharing of how you feel, so if you are a person who needs to use it, it gets you into the habit of expressing yourself as a number to four other people, he said.
Its very simple, concrete and non verbal, and you will be able to express how you feel when your logic has escaped you and youre a bundle of hot mess an emotions.
The app can be downloaded for free via the Apple app store.
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